Aantal berichten : 97 IC Posts : 5 Registratiedatum : 22-10-13 Leeftijd : 27 Woonplaats : Ruuz' Ships
Character sheet Leeftijd: 22 Chance of Survival: Sky-High Partner: falling over in the street is just a part of every week and we lie drunkenly just staring at the stars.
Onderwerp: Novel Excerpts YAY~ vr nov 01 2013, 21:53
Dus eh, ik kan zonder feedback slecht schrijven en dacht - lemme give you an excerpt so you can criticize it. Als anderen 't ook willen doen kan dat in dit topicand you should 'cause I'm thuper dooper curious c:
So uh -> stukje uit chapter 1.
The sky above her is filled with stars. In her mind’s eye, the sea mirrors those stars, surrounding her with little lights. The thruth however is, that the sea is as rough and wild as it has always been. The salt water can’t reflect the stars because every time it tries, the waves wash over the image and the water has to start all over again. She hears the waves beating against the boat, rough and gentle at the same time. The water forcefully caresses the wood as it glides through the ocean, as if it is the boats’ lover. The boats’ angry, forceful lover that wants nothing but to destroy the wood and make its way in, filling it with itself. That’s what the water wants, she imagines. To take the boat and swallow it, to love it so much that it becomes part of it. But Bird is not scared of the water. She sees it as her friend. Her angry, possessive old friend who wants nothing but to steal her boat and steal her life away - to forever hold her in its arms. It might try to hurt her, but she knows it never truly will. That is why she is not scared - because she knows. Bird knows.
She is lying on her back on the deck of the ship, trying to fall asleep or trying to stay awake, she doesn’t know anymore. She came her with an idea of sleep, she knows that. But whether it was trying to sleep or not trying to sleep, she doesn’t exactly remember. And now she’s lying on the deck of the ship, staring at the stars and smiling at the sky. Her lips are whispering words without her mind realizing, as they always do. She speaks to the sails, to the wood, to the dark of the night and to the light of the stars. ‘There used to be a time,’ she tells them, ‘There used to be a time when I wasn’t on you. I’m sure there was - he has told me it was a beautiful time.’ The deck never answers, but Bird does not want answers. She wants it to listen and it does. ‘He tells me it is a beautiful land we’re travelling to. I asked him for a beautiful land, because if my past was so pretty, my future has to be too.’ She stares at the stars, trying to imagine “a beautiful land”. ‘I think it’s a green place, with a lot of trees. He often tells me about the trees. Because he needs them, he says. He needs the trees for the wood and the wood for you, Boat. He cares for you. Or at least, that’s what I think.’ The boat never answers. Bird lies there until the stars start fading and the sun slowly starts burning and she stays there, until the people of the ship wake up and the deck is no longer hers, but theirs to roam. Then she dances to her room, closing and opening doors as she goes, trying to find her way to a place she knows exists, but she doesn’t know the location of.
